The Problem Of Santa (revised)

Christmas time. I know it sounds cliché but Christmas is one of my favorite times of year. There's only one thing that concerns me about the holiday though. Santa. He needs to go. Not because of the whole Jesus vs Santa bit (that debate in itself annoys me for various reasons), but because the chubby pedo-bear is pure evil! Everyone walks around oblivious to this. If i told any normal person, "I see you when you're sleeping" I'd have some legal problems, but if I wobble around in a red furry suit and a white pedo-beard we consider it perfectly fine. Seriously?! Parents just let their kids sit on this guys lap and then pay for a picture of it! Any other time, if i see a random bearded old man asking kids to sit on his lap I'd give him a beatdown.
Then people feed the fatty cookies for breaking into their house! Isn't breaking and entering a crime? If we would finally catch him we'd be set. He'd never afford a good lawyer. He's just a homless old man living away from civilization in the North Pole. He doesn't have money. I mean he drives a sleigh for crying out loud! I don't care if its eco-friendly, it's weird. You know why he lives away from civilization? So the kids he kidnaps can't get away! You believe all that elves garbage? There's no such thing as elves! Get out of middle earth and back to reality. He has a sweatshop of children making toys so he can seduce more children! If they even bothered trying to escape they wouldn't even make it to Canada before dying of hypothermia. It's not just a coincidence that you can rearrange the letters in his name to make satan. He's evil!
Am I the only one seeing the problem here? There is so much wrong with this! People act like its cool cause he's magical and gives kids presents. I know of old men who know some slight of hand and give random little kids gifts, I saw some on to catch a predator. Chris Hanson where are you?! Will you not save us?!

The Problem Of Santa (revised)